European Beauty Standard.

I recently read Biko Zulu’s article on the Daily Nation concerning beauty and its expected standards in Kenya. It is rather fascinating how these standards vary globally depending on the geographical position. Whereas beauty is seen as big buttocks or breasts , in most African countries, nah, let me just use titties and bums for easier,relatable reference purposes. Europe has not been left behind either.

From the mainstream media adverts to men's general ideal sexual ideology, women have been monolithically shoved to the edge.Without a skinny,somewhat almost,anorexic-looking body, blond hair, blue eyes and a considerable short height, men will unconsciously pass to the next one. The rest as they say mostly expect to meet their partners coincidentally, especially if they do not possess the said features or if they are both not very superficial and this is where the fun begins.

The big-bummed dark-skinned women with their massive egos come to Europe only to face the rude awakening that they are apparently fat and are therefore deemed unattractive by the causal white man in many occasions. The Lupitas and Alek Weks' calibres are the crème de la crème of perceived and accepted African beauty.The very midnight-dark type of women; with no weaves. The same scenario also tend to occur in an African set-up especially to the perfect white woman. Funny huh?

 There is this girlfriend of mine, let’s call her Larissa. She is a very charming, outgoing and beautiful lady according to the European standards and had a very high self-esteem until she landed in Rwanda for her Social year early last year. She had tagged-along her sister who is seemingly ‘blessed’; you know the big bum, wide waist and titties? Yeah that one that is not that enticing in Europe.

 Larissa was relentlessly body-shamed by her guest mother who had always made kind remarks like, ‘You know you’re too thin and need to eat a lot if you want to get a man, our men like flesh.’ This terrifying news crushed her ego. She felt worthless, skinny and unattractive seemingly because her self-esteem had been tormented to the rare core. And dear single people, a low self-esteem is very unattractive and it can be smelled from a distance, so in this retrospect, it is understandable she unconsciously felt intimidated by big-bummed ladies. The sister to the contrary became an over-achiever and her self-esteem rocketed tremendously because of incessant extolments for her eye-catching 'typical african' physique. Needless to say, the sister is currently dating a very good looking guy. These women and chocolate yawa!

But who is to blame for this predicament?

Dear Men.

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, however there is more to that than just basic outward appearance. Superficialness is not a long term solution and if you are a superficial type of person. You are better off at short-term manenos; the Sff’s or those one-night stands where you cannot recall how you ended in bed or better off,  the name of the  person waking up next to you the next morning? Yeah, those elements to be very proud of. But if you are a real man with values and self-respect and are looking for a long-term commitment, stop justifying and worshipping these pre-meditated pickiness and stereotypes of what beauty should be defined in a woman. It is not going to do you any good in the long run. We will create a society of trivial, mediocre, dumb females and expensive cosmetics that some of you unwillingly already pay for. Take your time, sit down, listen and learn. You will be astounded by the qualities the other ostensibly ‘lesser worthy’ women possess.

Dear Women.

Do NOT let yourselves be defined by the standards men or the media set upon you. Know your values and worth. Protect your peace and defend your light. Be bold and rational and confident in your own body. Regardless of what the society perceives of you or in which drawer you have been put in, cut those shackles on emancipate yourselves. Nurse those scars and let live. I know you have turned enough rocks within. Dig and learn what you are made of. The right person will always come your way. But please learn to give men who are not ‘your type’ a chance as well. It is a two-way traffic and with time you will have answers to the always puzzling ‘Where are all the good men’ question you perceptually  ask your girlfriends. 

PS:

Manenos-stuff

Sff-sex for fun